Parts In Pieces

broken

{ February 16, 2011 @ 12:10 am } · { Uncategorized }
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beginning to trust
beginning to hope
the thread bare heart
that barely could cope

told all the stories
told all the shame
held onto a hand
and self did blame

learning to love
learning to grow
listening to parts
to make her whole

for years she tried
for years she cried
when trust defied
left her broken

broken in heart
broken in spirit
the lost boys inside
they’ll never regret it

for broken hearts
and broken spirits
turn into tough little parts
that love and live it

breaking a heart
isn’t so bad
leaving us all
isn’t so sad

for we are stronger than you
and a bit braver too
starting brand new
broken

lost

{ October 30, 2010 @ 2:56 pm } · { Art, DID, dissociative identitiy disorder, poetry, Therapy }
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lost for so long
can’t find my way home
can’t see through this darkness
can’t see through this pain

home is just a memory
i’ve created for myself
it’s just a place for lost love
i will never ever gain

so how can i find safety
for the little girl inside
who can she whisper to
who will hold her tight

she needs a friend or two
someone to hold her hand
a friend who will listen
someone to make it right

lost for so long
are many others inside
they gather round now
and see what strength is there

the only one who will listen
the only one who will care
lies within and among them
when their love they all share

gathering ever stronger
listening for more to come
with open arms they welcome
with open arms they adore

the circle is now wider
the little girl is there
with all her friends around her
she is home – lost no more

Still Here

{ October 30, 2010 @ 1:34 am } · { DID, dissociative identitiy disorder, Therapy }
{ Tags: DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Therapy } · { Leave a Comment }

Yes, I’m still here. I have been doing a great job of ignoring my DID and pushing it all aside. I wish I knew how to do this the right way. I mean, how do you actually set aside time every single day to check in with your alters and not feel crazy? Guess I’m not accepting myself lately.

I am down to seeing my T once a week now because it is costing so much and my hubby thinks we can’t afford it. I wonder how we can afford to not see T twice a week without going insane, but that’s just me. Maybe I’m wrong.

I have been keeping myself pretty busy lately with volunteer work and being a part-time college student. I’m still bored though and want to go to school full-time next quarter. However, both my hubby and T say it’s a bad idea. Well, I don’t think they know what they are talking about to be honest. I think I will do just fine with all the extra “stress”.

Anyway, my T wants me to check in with my alters every day and have some sort of meeting with them. Then I’m supposed to let them take turns talking. Darn, it is hard! Why would something that sounds so simple be so complex? Anyone have tips? I’m open to any advice!

Deliverance

{ September 23, 2010 @ 10:32 pm } · { DID, dissociative identitiy disorder, poetry, Therapy }
{ Tags: Alter, art therapy, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, poetry } · { Leave a Comment }

screaming inside
the demons hide
don’t speak, don’t tell
they chant their spell

a fear is found
for death unbound
your life will end
this lie they spin

inside we cry
outside we try
to find a way
for life to stay

praying for peace
for love unleashed
we hope this time
to hide this crime

demons arise
anger strives
when tongues above
profess his love

screaming again
unending sin
you did your part
to make this start

the tongues lash out
in angered shouts
you are his own
let it be known

tears fall anew
words are found few
still there we hide
alters inside

Reaching

{ May 8, 2010 @ 2:26 am } · { DID, dissociative identitiy disorder, poetry, Therapy }
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brave and strong
she reaches out
into the night
that is my soul

there she finds
the silence
the anger
not told

still she reaches
until whispers
and whimpers
become one

one small cry
rises in the night
reaching back
to fight for life

Graditude

{ February 17, 2010 @ 8:23 pm } · { DID, dissociative identitiy disorder, Therapy, Uncategorized }
{ Tags: DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Therapy } · { Comments (1) }

I was given an assignment yesterday by my T. It was to let each alter tell what/who they are grateful for on a daily basis. So, I decided that I would list them here starting today.

Tiffany – stuffed animals
Suzi – a nice, warm bed to snuggle in
Rachel – computers
Sam – all my friends inside
Lucy – McDonald’s
Tom – Korn
Kay – family