told all the stories
told all the shame
held onto a hand
and self did blame

learning to love
learning to grow
listening to parts
to make her whole

for years she tried
for years she cried
when trust defied
left her broken

broken in heart
broken in spirit
the lost boys inside
they’ll never regret it

for broken hearts
and broken spirits
turn into tough little parts
that love and live it

breaking a heart
isn’t so bad
leaving us all
isn’t so sad

for we are stronger than you
and a bit braver too
starting brand new
broken

home is just a memory
i’ve created for myself
it’s just a place for lost love
i will never ever gain

so how can i find safety
for the little girl inside
who can she whisper to
who will hold her tight

she needs a friend or two
someone to hold her hand
a friend who will listen
someone to make it right

lost for so long
are many others inside
they gather round now
and see what strength is there

the only one who will listen
the only one who will care
lies within and among them
when their love they all share

gathering ever stronger
listening for more to come
with open arms they welcome
with open arms they adore

the circle is now wider
the little girl is there
with all her friends around her
she is home – lost no more

I am down to seeing my T once a week now because it is costing so much and my hubby thinks we can’t afford it. I wonder how we can afford to not see T twice a week without going insane, but that’s just me. Maybe I’m wrong.

I have been keeping myself pretty busy lately with volunteer work and being a part-time college student. I’m still bored though and want to go to school full-time next quarter. However, both my hubby and T say it’s a bad idea. Well, I don’t think they know what they are talking about to be honest. I think I will do just fine with all the extra “stress”.

Anyway, my T wants me to check in with my alters every day and have some sort of meeting with them. Then I’m supposed to let them take turns talking. Darn, it is hard! Why would something that sounds so simple be so complex? Anyone have tips? I’m open to any advice!

a fear is found
for death unbound
your life will end
this lie they spin

inside we cry
outside we try
to find a way
for life to stay

praying for peace
for love unleashed
we hope this time
to hide this crime

demons arise
anger strives
when tongues above
profess his love

screaming again
unending sin
you did your part
to make this start

the tongues lash out
in angered shouts
you are his own
let it be known

tears fall anew
words are found few
still there we hide
alters inside

there she finds
the silence
the anger
not told

still she reaches
until whispers
and whimpers
become one

one small cry
rises in the night
reaching back
to fight for life

Tiffany – stuffed animals
Suzi – a nice, warm bed to snuggle in
Rachel – computers
Sam – all my friends inside
Lucy – McDonald’s
Tom – Korn
Kay – family

dripping blood
feeling numb
heart beat pounding
where’s your love

love is here
its near you say
this is love
love my way